Archive for August, 2009
Look At These F*cking Archaeologists
Posted on 28. Aug, 2009 by admin.
The resemblance is frightening – I mean really, take away the sand and tumble weeds and it looks like Bedford Ave.
Look At These Fucking Archaeologists
Apparently Williamsburg fashion circa 2009 comes straight out of the Badlands circa Jurassic Park. Note the sunglasses, plaids, high-waisted denim jeans, messenger bag, and the mullet haircut on the dude in the back. Even the guy working the dino ultrasound is sporting one of those Gestapo-style buzzed-on-the-side-parted-on-the-top haircuts that tall hipsters in my neighborhood like wearing.
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Best E-Mail Forward . . . Possibly Ever
Posted on 21. Aug, 2009 by Karri Wells.
Yesterday I received an email forward.
My gut reaction was to immediately hit DELETE! Most email forwards that enter my inbox are some sort of chain mail with a make-you-wanna gag poem accompanied with a cheesy animated .gif of a teddy bear. The email basically says that unless I forward it to 20 of my closest friends in the next five minutes I will die. Just in case the forward holds some sort of voodoo power I immediately get rid of it. If I don’t read it, I won’t be subjected to spontaneous death.
ANYWAY – so I get this forward yesterday. It was too funny to not share. Since I don’t believe in forwards, I’m posting it here. I’d love to give credit to whomever wrote this – but I have no idea where it came from.
Enjoy this collection of random thoughts from a stranger.
I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
That’s enough, Nickelback.
I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.
There is a great need for sarcasm font.
Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f**k was going on when I first saw it.
I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.
The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that’s is when I realized, yup, that’s a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can re cognize their own image.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name.. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)….ummm…Goonies”
What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it….thanks Mario Kart.
MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!
Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.
I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’
While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.
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Excuse Me – Your Butt is Winking at Me
Posted on 21. Aug, 2009 by admin.
Somebody has finally gone and done it. Winking butt pants. Ladies, get these while they last. Now when you pass a hottie on the street you don’t have to turn around and wink at him, you can let ass handle the flirting.
Get the full article on the horrendous fashion trend:
http://www.nbcwashington.com/around-town/fashion/Horrors-of-Fashion-Winkers-53826522.html
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Me Oh My! No Bake Peanut Butter Pie
Posted on 19. Aug, 2009 by Karri Wells.
Each year at Christmas my grandma Helga makes a Peanut Butter Pie. All of us grandkids would anticipate this treat for months, then fight over who would get the last sliver.
Yesterday, @chrisblake, a Los Angeles based musician whom I follow on Twitter started a conversation about pie. I mentioned my grandma’s peanut butter pie, yada yada, @organprinter requested it, so here it is for the world to enjoy.
Grandma Helga’s Peanut Butter Pie
1 baked pie shell
1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup chunky peanut butter
1 packet french vanilla pudding
Cool Whip
Mix the powdered sugar and peanut butter and press into bottom of prepared pie shell. Prepare the vanilla pudding according to instructions, and pour in pie shell on top of peanut butter/powdered sugar mixture. Refrigerate until pudding sets. Top with Cool Whip before serving.
*Note* this is straight from my grandma who has been making it for years, my apologies that the recipe isn’t very concise.
There are a ton of similar recipes on the interwebs for another version of the pie, most of which call for cream cheese, a graham cracker crust and Oreos. Don’t waste your time, this one is better, because it’s from Helga and it’s made with love.
Enjoy!
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Layar Augmented Reality Now World Wide on Android, iPhone is Next
Posted on 17. Aug, 2009 by admin.
This is pretty amazing
Posted via web from karebear006′s posterous
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July Playlist
Posted on 04. Aug, 2009 by Karri Wells.
Here’s some hot tune-age for a hot month.
- Discovery – I Want You Back
Listen for the explosion about :30 seconds in. This is a remake of the Jackson 5 song. I would like to note that the inclusion of this song has nothing to do with the recent death of Michael Jackson. I just really f-ing like it. - All Time Low – Hello, Brooklyn
You knew I was going to include some New York related song on here. - Dirty Projectors, David Byrne – Knotty Pine
Off the “Dark Was the Night” compilation. The lyrics were actually written back in the mid ’70′s by Byrne, and the Durty Projects set them to a tune. I’ve always admired David Byrne’s work and recently became a big fan of the DPs, so it was like magic when I discovered this.Knotty Pine Lyrics:
HERE IS THE SOUND THAT PHOTOGRAPHS MAKE
WHEN I SEE THEM
WHEN I HEAR THEM
I SEE REGIONS OF SHARP PRECISION
OVER ABUNDANCE
OVER INDULGENCE
TIED TOGETHER WITH ROPE AND TWINE
STUCK TOGETHER WITH PASTE AND GLUE
TWO OLD PLANKS OF KNOTTY PINE
A COUPLE OF NAILS THAT POKE RIGHT THROUGH.Read David Byrne’s commentary on the collaboration at DavidByrne.com
- Joe Pug – Hymn #101
This guy is an incredible talent. I had the pleasure of seeing him open for Josh Ritter earlier this month at the Vaudville Mews in Des Moines. He started playing and the room went silent. His voice is hypnotic. I see great things happening for Mr. Pug. Like what you hear? You can get his album “Nation of Heat” send to you for FREE! This is totally legit, I promise. Visit JoePugMusic.com for the details. - Tim Brantley – The Race
I’m still not 100% where or how I got my hands on this one, but it was one of those songs I heard and it immediately felt familiar. - Black Eyed Peas – Boom Boom Pow
This is July’s guilty pleasure, the song that I’m ashamed to say I can’t get enough of. If auto tune makes you sick, don’t touch this one with a 20 foot pole. I had to look up the lyrics, because at one point I thought I heard “Shittin’ on ya’ll you with the boom boom” and I thought to myself, that doesn’t even make sense. Turns out, I heard right. - Imogen Heap – First Train Home
- Yael Naim – Far Far
Wow, she has a beautiful voice. - Vetiver – More of This
- Micachu – Golden Phone
This chick and Simply Red have the same haircut. - Santogold (Feat. Spank Rock) – Shove It
- We Were Promised Jetpacks – Ships With Holes Will Sink
This has been in my head all month. ”Make time for us, time for us.” - Frightened Rabbit – Backwards Walk
July is Scottish fetish month. I’ve been trying to find something that Frightened Rabbit has done that I don’t like. I’m still looking. - Rye Rye – Bang (Feat. M.I.A)
Can’t get enough of Rye Rye. She’s the first artist to be signed to M.I.A’s N.E.E.T label. She’s working on a new album and collaborating with some big names. Keep your ears open for more from her in the next year. - Icarus Himself – Coffins
Icarus Himself is actually a fellow named Nick Whetro. As far as I can tell he is of no relation to Raab Himself from MTV’s Jackass. His most recent album, Coffins, was described by CokeMachineGlow as a “…lost Bowie demo tape overdubbed with acid confessions.” I think that pretty much sums it up.